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The Cantor's Voice
April 2008

"Mitzva Opportunity" read the headline in the Jerusalem Post. "With God's help", the writer begins, "I need someone to say Kaddish for my late father-in-law ASAP. If you are interested or know of someone that could do it, please contact me via the above email address. This would be an eleven month commitment. Thank you."

An unusual request for certain, I thought to myself, but after doing a little research, apparently this custom is fairly widespread, particularly in the Orthodox community here and in Israel. According to historians, this custom became prevalent in either the 15th or 16th century, particularly amongst women, who were discouraged from reciting Kaddish on behalf of a deceased parent.

Why were women discouraged from reciting Kaddish? The Va'ad Halacha, or rabbinical law committee in Israel, has a detailed explanation regarding this issue. Rabbi David Golinkin, chairman of the committee, explains that the responses as to why women were prohibited in the middle ages from reciting Kaddish is broken up into three categories: Those authorities who prohibit it outright, those authorities who permit it under certain conditions, and those authorities who permit women to say the Kaddish.

Upon further investigation, those who prohibited the recitation of Kaddish by a woman generally used reasoning of custom or sociological issues, rather than halachic reasoning, to base their decisions.

The responsa reasons that if it is permissible to hire a stranger who did not know the deceased to recite Kaddish, how can the va'ad halacha prevent a daughter from sanctifying God's name in honor of her deceased parent? Clearly, the reasoning continues, that it is permissible for a woman to recite Kaddish.

But, back to my original question -- is it permissible to hire someone to recite Kaddish on one's behalf? There is a custom of reciting Kaddish "Meisei Olam," the collective of all Jews who have passed on who may not have someone saying Kaddish on their behalf. However, hiring others to do it for you is something else entirely.

While our lives are certainly busier now than ever before, when we are faced with the reality of mourning, we must do everything we can to take a pause in our lives and find the time to mourn properly, including reciting Kaddish for a parent. I would suggest that if this custom should be phased out, or at least, strongly discouraged. In fact, there is a source that states that if one cannot recite Kaddish for a deceased parent, that one should study Torah in honor of the memory of the departed. This seems to me to be more appropriate and a better way to demonstrate our devotion to God.

Henrietta Szold, the founder of Hadassah, was faced with this situation when her mother died in 1916. A friend named Haym Peretz offered to say kaddish for her mother. Szold refused in a touching letter to her friend, stating that, "...the Kaddish means to me that the survivor publicly and markedly manifests his wish and intention to assume the relation to the Jewish community, which his parent had, and that so the chain of tradition remains unbroken from generation to generation, each adding its own link. You can do that for the generations of your family, I must do that for the generations of my family." Szold went on and said kaddish for both her parents.

Keith Miller
Hazzan
Director of Education